12.       Do not force or encourage your children to take sides. To do so encourages frustration, guilt and resentment.

            13.       Allow your children to be children. Do not confide in them, whatever their age.

            14.       Try not to upset the children’s routine too abruptly. Children need a sense of continuity and it is disturbing to them if they must cope with too many changes all at once.

            15.       Dissolution of marriage often leads to financial pressures on both parents. Do not discuss finances with the children. Never mention payment or non-payment of support.

            16.       Marriage breakdown is always hard on the children. They may not always show their distress or realize at first what this will mean to them. Parents should be direct and simple in telling children what is happening and why, and in a way a child can understand and digest. This will vary with the circumstances and with each child’s age and comprehension. The worst course is to try to hush things up and make a child feel he or she must not talk or even think about what he or she sees is going on. The child must be allowed to express unhappy feelings. If the child asks questions, explanations should be brief, prompt, direct, and honest.

            17.       The guilt parents may feel about the marriage breakdown may interfere in their disciplining the children. A child needs consistent control and direction. Either permissiveness or indecisive parents, who leave a child at the mercy of every passing whim and impulse, interfere with a child’s healthy development. Children need and want to know quite clearly what is expected of them. Children need leadership and sometimes authority. Parents must be ready to say “NO” when necessary.

            18.       Do not overlook the fact that you are only human and admit it. You will not be able to make a 100% score on being the perfect parent (no one ever does in good or bad times). When in your attempts, acknowledge it and resolve to attempt to improve day by day.

            19.       Offer the children the opportunity for professional assistance. That this is okay and normal. That it will be confidential. That the parents have this help.

            20.       Attend the Parents and Divorce parenting class as soon as possible. Read books on children and divorce. See the suggested reading list below. Join a support group.

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (WTVC-TV) – A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It’s a strange story, but also a sad one. 

April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail.  She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree.  Now she’s just glad he’s okay and says she won’t let it happen again.

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood.  In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl’s dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.

April Wright said, “Biggest concern was him being out there, getting kidnapped, getting run over, the alcohol, having to have his stomach pumped.”

Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone.  She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn’t get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.

Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father’s footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking. 

“He runs away trying to find his father,” she said. “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.”

The Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer. 

Wright said, “He got it out of my father’s cooler in the back and how he got it open I don’t understand because it was one of those tab beers.”

But it doesn’t stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor’s house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts.  One was a girl’s brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him. 

“Going to the neighbor’s house and taking their presents, very embarrassing,” said April.

She admits she was not just embarrassed, but scared, and rushed to the hospital that night with Hayden. She said she tries to be a good mother and loves her son, but now feels like a failure. 

“Kids do things like this and it’s out of your control, you can do the best you can as a mother, everyone makes mistakes, it was an honest mistake,” she said.

Wright did meet with child protective services today who told her she will get to keep custody of Hayden

April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail.  She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree.  Now she’s just glad he’s okay and says she won’t let it happen again.

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood.  In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl’s dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.

April Wright said, “Biggest concern was him being out there, getting kidnapped, getting run over, the alcohol, having to have his stomach pumped.”

Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone.  She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn’t get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.

Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father’s footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking. 

“He runs away trying to find his father,” she said. “He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that’s where his daddy is.”

The Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer. 

Wright said, “He got it out of my father’s cooler in the back and how he got it open I don’t understand because it was one of those tab beers.”

But it doesn’t stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor’s house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts.  One was a girl’s brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him. 

“Going to the neighbor’s house and taking their presents, very embarrassing,” said April.

She admits she was not just embarrassed, but scared, and rushed to the hospital that night with Hayden. She said she tries to be a good mother and loves her son, but now feels like a failure. 

“Kids do things like this and it’s out of your control, you can do the best you can as a mother, everyone makes mistakes, it was an honest mistake,” she said.

Wright did meet with child protective services today who told her she will get to keep custody of Hayden

The Supreme Court of Florida has issued a revised opinion amending the rules regulating lawyer advertisements over the Internet. Websites will be subject to the general advertising regulations set forth in Rule 4-7.2. Websites will remain exempt from the filing requirement under Rule 4-7.8. The jurisdictional disclosure requirement will no longer be required on the homepage, but will be required to appear on the website. Requirements for direct e-mail will be reinstated: a statement of qualifications will be required and a disclosure if a lawyer other than the one whose name appears in the advertisement will handle the matter will be required. Direct e-mail also will be required to begin the subject line with the statement “legal advertisement.” The changes will be effective January 1, 2010. In Re: Amendments to Rules Regulating The Florida Bar – Rule 4-7.6, Computer Accessed Communications, 34 Fla. L. Weekly S627 (Fla. Nov. 19, 2009), Case No. SC08-1181.

Buafo died at home about 3 p.m., surrounded by her family, friends and law partner, said Bibb County Coroner Leon Jones. Hart’s Mortuary has charge of arrangements.

She had been seriously ill since November 2007 and underwent brain surgery in September 2008, according to a letter Buafo wrote to a judge asking for a Bibb Superior Court case to be continued.

Buafo launched her law career in 1987, and by the early 1990s she already was a prominent criminal defense lawyer, said fellow lawyer Franklin J. Hogue.

Hogue described Buafo as a mentor and a friend.

Buafo’s two-decade career was highlighted by several high-profile cases, including Robert E. Starr’s 1996 trial alleging that he and two other Middle Georgia men made pipe bombs and conspired to blow up a government building. Starr was sentenced to eight years in federal prison.

In 2004, Buafo represented Macon rapper and performer Sonny Spoon, who was convicted in federal court on drug charges.

She also represented Tavaris Smith, who was convicted in connection with the 2003 death of his schoolteacher wife. Tiffany Smith was fatally shot as she slept. The conviction later was overturned on appeal and will be retried.

Bibb County District Attorney Howard Simms said he also was impressed by the way Buafo handled herself inside the courtroom.

“She was a great lawyer,” he said. “She was always extraordinarily prepared and very thorough.”

Hogue said Buafo’s success was rooted in her caring for clients and working hard for them.

“She inspired confidence,” he said. “She was one of my heroes then and has always been.”

Although Buafo gained notoriety because of her courtroom skills, she also was recognized by her trademark Mohawk haircut.

In 2005, she told The Telegraph she started sporting the haircut after her Jeep Wrangler crashed into a Krispy Kreme doughnut shop.

Buafo said she thought she had put the brake on, but didn’t. She jumped in front of the Jeep in hopes of keeping it from rolling into the all-glass entrance, but instead she was pushed into the glass.

The glass cut some of her hair.

While on vacation shortly after the accident, a hairstylist suggested that she shave the sides of her head.

“People think I just designed it or just came up with it. It just happened. I just went with the flow,” she said.

Buafo was born in England in 1961 and immigrated to the United States when she was 10, along with her family.

The family lived in Pennsylvania and Ohio before moving to Macon in the early 1980s. Buafo’s father, Charles Buafo, soon opened a medical practice.

After earning an undergraduate degree from Eckerd College in St. Petersburg, Fla., Buafo returned to Macon, where she attended law school at Mercer University

From Macon Telegraph, By Amy Leigh Womack

As additional and supplemental “visitation,” the court may order electronic communication between a parent and a child. Florida has recognized the ability of a court to order electronic communication under its statutes. In 2007, the legislature adopted Section 61.13003 of Florida Statutes, specifically addressing court-ordered electronic communication between a parent and child.

The statute makes it clear that the court may order electronic communication between a parent and child and that such communication is intended to supplement face-to-face meetings and not to replace them. Before ordering electronic communication, the court must consider the following factors: whether electronic communication is in a child’s best interest; whether communication equipment and technology are reasonably available; each parent’s history of substance abuse or domestic violence; and any other factor that the court considers material.

It is presumed that telephone communication is in the best interest of the child, unless it is established that such communication is harmful. The court may set safeguards or guidelines for electronic communication.

If the court finds that one or both parents will incur additional costs to implement electronic communication, the court must allocate the expense between the parents, after considering their respective financial circumstances. That means the wealthier parent may have to pay for such items as computer, Web cam and Internet service at both ends.

The statute does not apply to any judgment or order issued before October 1, 2007, but it can still be persuasive. Moreover, there has never been a statute prohibiting court-ordered electronic communication. That means the court’s equitable powers likely authorized it to order electronic communication even before the statute was adopted.  Also, divorced parents may petition the Court to supplement the current visitation order with virtual or electronic visitation and need not prove a substantial change in circumstances normally needed for modification.

Visitation and other child issues related to divorce are complex. The emotions involved make these matters even more difficult. I recommend you retain an experienced attorney to review the facts of your case and plan an appropriate course of action. Good counsel will help you negotiate the dual mine fields of law and emotion.

See Generally Marconews.com

But for one out of every four women in this country, home is anything but safe. When she closes her door – reluctantly — to the protection of the outside world, it triggers fear and a growing dread. She’s alone with the enemy — her loved one, the one who is supposed to love her. But instead of kisses and hugs she gets fists and bruises. She cries and withdraws, he cools down and later is remorseful. They reconcile, there’s a honeymoon period and he promises never to hit her again. Then one day, out of nowhere, the vicious cycle of abuse starts all over again in her black-and-blue world: He didn’t like her dinner, or how long she was out shopping or the tone in her voice. It’s a life lived on eggshells, a house of cards that could come crashing down at any moment.

Ashamed to face the truth, she becomes a great pretender in a doomed drama. And nobody, but the traumatized children, knows about it.

“It’s very difficult to reach out to victims because the core nature of domestic violence is isolation. Women are locked in by fear, shame, guilt and the traumatic bond between husband and wife,” says Vivian Clecak, founder of Human Options, a multi-service agency in Orange County, California, dedicated to the prevention of domestic violence, and the treatment and intervention for victims (humanoptions.org).

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, though it’s a cause that deserves our attention year-round. Violence against women and children in their own homes happens all the time. Every nine seconds a woman is battered in this country. And in at least 30% of the cases, children are assaulted, too. What’s more, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44 — more than rapes, muggings and car accidents combined.

True, every couple fights. But domestic violence is darker and cuts much deeper. It’s a pattern of physical, sexual and psychological attacks fueled by the abuser’s pathological need to control. “The cycle of abuse often starts verbally. Calling her stupid, treating her with disrespect, demeaning her,” Clecak explains. “It’s a slow, subtle wearing down of her personhood.

It’s not just a “trailer park” crime, either, as many would believe. Domestic violence is an equal opportunity destroyer, invading every ethnic, religious and economic strata of society.   Yet, so much of it is hidden. Couldn’t possibly happen in your nice neighborhood?  “The more affluent you are, the more hidden it is,” says Clecak: “A wealthy woman has more shame because she has a social position and children who also have a social identity.”

Sadly, it’s our young ones who really suffer.  “We know that children are traumatized by the violence even if they’re never hit,” says Clecak. An astounding 33% of calls to Human Options’ hotline come from children. Too often, domestic violence is a searing torch passed to the next generation.

The good news is, education and outreach are working. “The most interesting thing about domestic violence in the last 20 years is the number of abusers murdered by their victims is way down,” claims Clecak.  Homicides against victims is on the decline, too. Women are getting out of abusive relationships sooner. They now have places to turn for emergency shelter and transitional housing.

Changing the tide of domestic violence is a long, hard journey because it’s deeply rooted in society. “It comes from a long tradition of patriarchy that women are property.” In many cultures, it’s OK to beat your wife. But make no mistake . . . it’s a crime in this country.

The first step is always the hardest. If you’re in an abusive relationship, call a local shelter. “The most important thing a woman needs is to know she’s not alone, she’s not to blame.” Clecak makes a final plea.

It’s not going to get any better. You know that. So get help now while you and your children can still get out.

Lynn Armitage is a contributing editor

Letterman defendant’s lawyer plans sex-harassment angle

 This requires that you show that you love your children more than you hate, distrust, or do not respect your spouse.

            Before the following suggested guidelines can be effective, you and your spouse need to evaluate your communication. Many times, one of the reasons a marriage breaks up is because of an inability to communicate and come to a mutual satisfactory agreement. These skills can be learned, developed, and planned with professionals trained to assist. If communication is a problem, foremost is to concentrate on developing a communication plan. This will prevent, minimize, misunderstandings and hostilities.

The following suggestions are made to help you and your children in this time of psychological and emotional stress:

            1.         Think first of your children’s present and future emotional and mental well-being before acting. This will be difficult, because of your own feelings, needs and emotions. Get the help of psychological professionals for yourself.

            2.         While you are with the children, concentrate on parenting. Maintain your own composure and emotional balance as much as possible and in talking to yourself, verbally and in your thoughts. Laugh when you can and try to keep a sense of humor. What your children see in your attitude is to some measure reflected in theirs.

            3.         Keep the other parent informed and involved in the children’s lives. E-mail and fax information daily. Leave adjectives out of the messages. Just the facts. If the children say the other parent said something, report this in the message without editorial. It may be that this will precipitate recognition of a need to seek professional advice.

            4.         Give the other parent copies of all notices and make all appointments when the other parent can attend. The child has two parents. It may be that the other parent never wanted this information before and wants it now. Do not analyze the reasons; ask about it at our next conference. Whether or not the other parent ever attends, keep giving notices and make all appointments when the other parent can attend. Ask about this at our next conference.

            5.         Keep a pad and pencil and a manila envelope near the refrigerator. If the child comes with or has information or has an accomplishment, however small, tell the child that you and the child are going to write it down immediately, date and time, so that all can remember to tell the other parent. This shows the child that you respect the other parent. It is okay to include and involve the other parent in the child’s life. This is in the best interests of the minor child. You can put copies of notices in this envelope as well as copies of some schoolwork and artwork for the child to take to the other parent. Make this practice reciprocal; it should not include messages between parents or money exchange — nothing to cause stress or difficulty for the child.

            6.         Set aside time to mourn and be sad each day, after the children are asleep or not at home. Keep your composure around the children at all times.

            7.         Allow yourself and your children time for readjustment. Convalescence from an emotional operation, such as dissolution of marriage, is essential.

            8.         Remember the best parts of your marriage. Remember the skills and positive attributes of the other parent. Your child is one-half mother and one-half father and is a product of the marriage. Share these with your children to build self-esteem and use them constructively.

            9.         Assure your children that they are not to blame for the break-up and that they are not being rejected or abandoned. Children, especially the young ones, often mistakenly feel they have done something wrong and believe that the problems in the family are the result of their own misdeeds. Small children may feel that some action or secret wish of theirs has caused the trouble between their parents. Explain to them that there are other children whose parents have been divorced and that they are not going to lose their mom or dad.

             10.       Continuing anger or bitterness toward your former partner can injure your children far more than the dissolution itself. The feelings you show are more important than the words you use. Watch your body language, tone of voice, as well as what you say.

From Judge Goldberg’s Florida Family Law 2006

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